Think First

I recently offended a coworker. Not on purpose, by any means. I just didn’t think about how my reaction to something would affect him. Since he didn’t say anything to me about it, I figured I’d just go on like nothing happened. After all, it’s not like we’re close friends. I like my coworker, but at the end of the day, he’s just the person in the next office, right?

Wrong. The more I thought about it that day, the more ashamed of myself I became. “Karen,” I said to myself. “You’re a jerk.”

Because it hit me. He and I may not be close friends, but he’s still a person. A person I like. A person who deserves to have his feelings acknowledged. And, when I’ve hurt those feelings, I should own up to it. This is what I tell my kids to do when they’ve offended someone. I should walk the talk.

The incident with my coworker made me think about what I see in my daily travels online. There are a lot of perfectly decent people not thinking about the effect their words and actions have on the people they interact with.

Look at the comments of almost any news article. You see a lot of name calling, rudeness and general disrespect. The more controversial the subject (like politics), the more the gloves come off.

It’s easier, I guess, to throw down online. You don’t know the person on the other end of that comment. Chances are, you’re never going to see them or even interact with them again. Not to mention you’re hidden behind an avatar and a couple of firewalls. So who cares if you call them a disrespectful name, right?

Wrong. That person you just called a disparaging name in your comment is a person with feelings. And while some may think it’s stupid for someone to have their feelings hurt online by a faceless commenter, it can still happen. If you’re purposely throwing out offensive comments, it stands to reason that your aim is to offend.

But I do believe (I have to believe) that people aren’t that disrespectful in their day-to-day lives. That they’re only caught up in the moment or the argument. Not that being caught up in the moment is an excuse. But it’s more palatable than thinking the human race is rapidly flushing decency down the toilet.

I have to believe that if these people arguing over their chosen topic were arguing face-to-face, they’d be a bit more polite; respectful.

That they’d realize that the person standing in front of them is indeed a person with feelings. And they wouldn’t purposely hurt those feelings. And that if they did hurt them, they’d man up and apologize.

I also have to believe that the respect and decency we (should) show each other in face-to-face interactions will eventually make it into our screen-to-screen ones. That we’ll remember there’s a living, breathing, feeling person on the other side of the ‘net and act like our parents taught us to act.

Speaking of acting like my parents taught me to and apologies. The day after my offensive behavior, I put on my big girl panties and apologized to my coworker for being completely thoughtless. I also vowed, to myself, that whether I am dealing with people in person or online, I’ll make a conscious effort to respect their feelings.

And to remember to think before I speak, write or act.